4 Months

4 months ago, during the FRIM outing with the SUMC people, I rejected someone's confession but ended up being in an unofficial relationship with him.

First outing = Unofficial relationship.

Seriously. What kind of situation did I just get into. Must be a trap. Or a fraud. -.-

That time the someone talked about his friend's wedding on the 22nd of November, and oh look, today is already 21st of November.

And he's sleeping in the bus on the way back to Johor while I'm typing this.


Looking back I didn't know that we will end up being in this semi-official relationship like what we are having right now.


First date = Semi-official relationship.

And yeah, semi-official relationship is another trap also. -.-

So I guess there's no such thing as knowing more on each other as NORMAL FRIENDS first when both of you have feelings towards each other.


Anyway, I was a bit worried when we first started because we didn't have any...upset moments. Everything was going smooth. Sweet and steady.

No problems = BIG PROBLEMS.

Then one by one, I begin to find faults in him and voice out my unhappy feelings. The wrong words that he said, the unintentional pain that he caused me, the super duper bad memory of his that cannot recall back the things that he said but which I remember.

Upset but at the same time, quite a relief because this relationship is not smooth. It has its own ups and downs.

I try to minimise the troubles that I cause other people that's why sometimes I'll be like.. I think we should stop at where we are. In other words, I want to give up. Though not serious issues, but sometimes I just don't want to be emotionally tired. Or I'm just not used to having a significant person in my life yet. I'm sensitive and I'm a bad temper person. If you cannot take it, please leave before this relationship gets deeper. This is what I always think about.

But he always ignores my words. And somehow manage to stop me from thinking the same thing. So instead of worrying my weaknesses might worn him out, I try to be more rational and stop negative emotions from conquering me. Thinking about the nice things that he had done just make me sigh.

If both of us constantly have the same thoughts, I guess we won't even survive 4 months. When one wants to give up easily but the other keeps holding her back, I guess you can say that there is no reason why I want to give up anymore.



Today is not our monthversary whatsoever. We don't have one. Yet. Hahaha. From being a bit scared away by what he said in the beginning to being concern that I'm going to graduate soon and what will happen to us amused me sometimes.

I never thought I'll start a relationship in such a manner. Friends for less than 2 months and unofficial/semi-official for 4 months till now. It's actually a risk that I never thought I'll take.


Time flies. And it's heading to the end of November. I know we'll keep on having ups and downs in this relationship and it will get worse when our feelings go deeper.

But if you don't give up, I promise I won't too.



For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. - 2 Timothy 1:7 -