The Power of Significance

"The purpose of life is not to be happy. It's to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived well." - John C.Maxwell: The Power of Significance

You can be happy but not useful; If what you're doing is useful, it will lead you to happiness; It doesn't ask us to be unhappy. But being happy shouldn't be the main purpose of life. 

For example, some people just want to have sufficient food, a job, extra money for shopping, that's all. Their whole lives are just about themselves, maybe extend a little bit to what their family need. Most of the time they do things that are not important but definitely bring them joy.

Being useful can be defined as what are your contributions to your family, company, society and country. If one day you're not alive anymore, will people miss your presence? Or will your absence means no difference to them?

If you choose to contribute to your family, company, society and country, no matter how you do that, as long as you're doing something good for their sake, you're being useful and the things that you do make things better, you'll be happy because you know it's fulfilling. Else your whole life will be wasted doing nothing.

And before you die, will you wish that you can make a different choice and achieve something different when you have the chance to? I bet I will.

To be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived well, will take another post to elaborate, But meanwhile, just to be useful alone need a lot of thinking. 

There's always a purpose in living. 

Psalm 57:2 says, "I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills his purpose for me." 
This is key in understanding God's purpose for our lives. God has numbered our days and will fulfill every purpose He has for us.

Productivity

2nd month of MCO has just passed. Well, not the whole 2nd month. But as at 30th of April, it has been a 44 days of MCO.

Throughout this 44 days, what have I done?

Basically thanks to my nature of job, and my boss of course, there’s no excuse for me to stop whatever I’m doing. First of all, we can always work from home, especially when we don’t have appointments. Second of all, my boss is 24/7 available to push us to keep going and never slow down.

In the beginning we were all excited to have “holidays”, so when we need to attend 2 meetings a day (book session in the afternoon daily including weekends and case studies at night, yes at night!) we struggled so much. After a month, we have gotten used to the habit.

But just one Sunday of no book session, our habits fall all over the place again haha.

Looking back, even though it’s MCO, but I’ve learnt a lot. From learning to cold call customers (we usually cold call property agents, hardly customers), to learning how to create videos with InVideo, analysing books and studying Douyin videos (books are not meant to be read, but analyse and apply on your own situation, while Douyin videos are all about business models that the Chinese are using), to training our brains on how to think and not focusing on doing only.

Not to mention, on what you will do, if companies around are closing down, and even the banking sector might not be able to survive, at least not our mortgage segment. So many things to learn, which are not foreseen by most of us. Our parents say that even the 513 incident is not even close to what’s going on right now.

For myself, I spent most of my me time reading. I’ve read The Girl with Seven Names: A North Korean Defector’s Story, and currently reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. First book is based on true story of a North Korean girl who had to change names several times to escape North Korea. You can’t imagine an 18 year old girl having to face so many challenges ahead. Her journey to freedom is so risky it can just take her life and her family’s lives anytime, but again and again, she met someone who’s kind enough to assist her. Now that she had finally achieved her freedom in USA. And she’s not the only one who escaped from North Korea. 

The 2nd book though not a real story, was said to be aspired by the true story of Elizabeth Taylor. It brings you to understand what a glamorous life that a Hollywood actress is living. And many of the true stories are not surfaced to the public. So it’s quite an interesting read, even though it’s fiction. Though I believe it does happens to a lot of celebrities in real life. 

Of course other than reading during me-time, I also read Christian books and books related to my job. Mostly on sales. It’s interesting to apply the Christian ways on my career. Sometimes I feel what I’ve read or what I’ve taught is towards the extreme way whereby life is not always, and not all about money and being successful. So I need to relate back the Christian way to make it balance back.

Other than reading, I also tried to make mango smoothie and scrambled egg! Mango smoothie was ok, but the scrambled egg, hmm, something weird but couldn’t figure out what’s weird. Hahaha.

Also I wanna try to learn more in shares investment, but seeing the ups and downs candles, so technical I just couldn’t understand how they really function. And those free seminars in FB.. I also couldn’t analyses who is really professional or only know how to blowwwww. Haha.

If one day MCO is really lifted up for good, I’ll be lazy to drive out already. From being ok staying at home, to the phase where I think I can go crazy, until now, getting lazy to go out. What’s the new norm? Everyone can stay at home because not everyone can fly already. 😅

I’m considered very blessed that I still have a job, and companies are still finding for ways to keep business running. Even if one day, come to worse, banking sector has huge changes that stop us from finding sales, I believe that with the skills we have learnt, we still can survive. But for those whose companies are considering shutting down, or even already closed down, I really do not know how are they are going to survive without income, now that demand is more than supply in terms of employment.

But no matter what happens..we always have hope everyday.

Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Review of 2019

So I’ve summarised a list of  top 18 things that had happened in 2019.

1. My mum finally let me drive!
It’s not really a thing to remember but for someone who only gets to drive when she’s 25 year old, this is definitely something that I want to record it down. Thanks to my persistence of not leaving my current job, I was forced to speak to my mum about driving and my mum was forced to let me drive. Haha. Indirectly force la ok. Also she has let me fetched her few times to shopping malls, dropping her off while I went to my appointments and fetched her back home. It’s a good sign! 🥰

2. In total I travel to 9 different places, which includes 3 different countries and 4 different local states. First I went to Kuantan for company kick off in Jan, Hanoi during my birthday while following my dad to work, but it wasn’t a pleasant trip actually 😅 Then in May, I went to Hokkaido with my parents! Otaru was the place I love the most in the whole trip. In June I went to Johor, Husky’s hometown for the 1st time, meeting his parents for the 1st time as well ngehehe #nervous, and also I went to Bangkok with my colleagues (semi-free trip by Allianz as I accidentally hit the challenge haha) Then in October I went to Malacca, local trip with parents after all these years of not going to local for holiday, and went to Krabi for company trip again, this time is for Halloween! Almost all of my colleagues went and it was very very fun. From walking the streets with our Halloween costume to island hopping and conquering the whole swimming pool for monkey games, it was just so, so fun. And in November, I went for a team review trip in Penang. It was ages since I went there as well, but other than getting massage, all I remember was overused my brain for review purpose. Haha. But of course, it was a fruitful trip as it helps me to understand myself better. The next day I arrived in KL from Penang, I got to pack and depart to Phuket the next day! Everyone was saying that I might as well sleep in airport hahaha #mymumplansone

3. After 25 years, finally I started indoor wall climbing. It was a childhood dream come true. I wanted to climb when I was small, and I remember having the chance to try in a shopping mall (which I think is also in One Utama) but I didn’t because I was wearing long skirt. Actually it didn’t matter because it was just a short climb, probably I was afraid back then. And this year Nek wanted to try, so both of us went for Camp5’s Basic Wall Course and started to climb. By the end of the year, even Husky tried it because of his friends. Somehow I like bouldering more. Maybe not as mafan as the Top Rope where you need a person to belay you, and not as scary as the Autobelay because when you come down, you fly down. I mean free fall. IT IS SCARY. 😖😫 Maybe i should try Bump in Jaya One next year.

4. After 3 years of dating, finally I met Husky’s family! Road to Johor was tiring, even when I’m not the one driving. Haha. I was kinda worried that I can’t mix with his family but the 1st thing that his mum said when we arrived was: “神经病啊你，回来没有讲!” [You siao ah, come back never say!] Then I also echo her words, saying ya la he la, don’t want tell you he’s coming back. But thank God they are very nice to me and I feel just like home with them.

5. I moved out from my house. A week. To opposite street. Husky’s house. HAHAHAHAHA. Pardon me for laughing for running away from home, that time wasn’t funny at all. But now to think of it, IT IS FUNNY. Because I packed 5 luggages, and moved to Husky’s house which is just opposite street. And because when I moved out my parents weren’t at home, so when I came back with 5 big luggages my mum looked me at one kind. 🤣 Reason of moving out is work related of course. But we eventually managed to overcome it. ☺️

6. Did I mention that I travel to 9 different places? Actually I was wrong. It was 10 places! If you considered hospital as one of them. 😏 So I was diagnosed with dengue, and hospitalised for 6 days. My total bill for 6days5nights were around RM 15k, technically one of the finest “hotel” that I ever stayed in. It was terrible, but at the same time I felt grateful. Terrible because I needed to take 4 times blood test a day to monitor my white blood cells and platelet count, sometimes the nurse can’t find my vein and cause super pain and blue black to me. It was terrible also because I was so itchy I couldn’t sleep, literally scratched myself to sleep; and the dripping machine beeping sound was my worse nightmare. Grateful because I had appetite to eat after the 1st day of admission, I know I’m going to be well soon but it all depends on my report. Also grateful because I survived. A friend’s  friend and a lawyer of our company passed away due to dengue not long after my discharge. It was creepy to hear the news, being a survivor of the same condition.

7. I changed my phone! It’s a small thing but it’s still a good thing. The phone I want was out of stock and we went to few places before managed to get it in The Gardens.

8. For the 1st time I watched concert in Genting with my parents and Husky and also my colleagues. It was free tickets by the way, and the singer wasn’t someone very famous but it was a good experience anyway.

9. My parents experienced trees fallen on their car when they were coming back home during a rainy day. The windscreen cracked, the side mirrors were broken, couldn’t start the car either, thank God for people who came and helped to remove the fallen branches, one even took a parang and chopped off thicker branches. Thank God my parents weren’t hurt, and thank God for angels around them. 😇

10. After the fallen trees incident, while my dad was waiting for the car to be fixed, he ended up being promoted and gotten another new company car. God’s timing is always perfect. :’)

11. Husky got a full time job! At least now his life is better than before. :’)

12. One of our extended family members got himself a major trouble and is currently serving his punishment while waiting for results, but at least he’s protected.

13. Dad got a free MiBand 3 from lucky draw!

14. I got closer to Bernice this year, probably due to similar family background and we are also MRT kakis haha!

15. Husky and I attended 2 weddings this year, one is my ex-colleague and another is his badminton friend. So many of our friends got hitched this year. But 2 weddings are enough la haha #toomanyredbombs

16. Met up with my high school buddies, Hezrin and Auni after 5 years OMG. These people ah, need to force them out from house one only they are willing to come out and see me. #willseethemagaininnext5years 😒

17. This year is a gadget year as Husky gave me a power bank and hard disc as gifts for me this year haha!

18. FINALLY IN A MILLION YEARS I SEE COLOUR ON MY HAIR! Got my hair dyed brown in salon for the 1st time. Last 2 times I used self-dyed bubble wash but I need to be under the sun only can see the colour. I wasn’t sure whether I like my new hairstyle either at first, but it was okay after that.

So these are my top 18 highlights of 2019. Hope that 2020 will be a better one as I get rid of my weaknesses and use them as my strengths! Changes aren’t easy but it helps in growing. Especially when I’m turning 26 next year! Feel like turning into 30 anytime soon. 😂

The Cunning World

I was in Pontian, Husky's hometown for few days.

Though I did work a while on Monday, did some calls because a customer was going to fly overseas in the afternoon, follow up some cases, but I can say that that was quite a relax weekend.

And all I did was playing some childish games on iPad, reading books and watching some videos.

Life is good, especially with all the food that was prepared hahahaha. Not that I wasn't fed at home back in KL, my mum will surely kill me if I say that. :P

Back to reality.

Changed some lunch partners during lunch break yesterday, learned something new, knew some different side of stories happening here and there.

And realised that, maaaaaannn, this corporate world really reminds me of my work life back then in the bank. The politics going on, sabotaging staff to hit some target and get incentives.

I'm glad that I'm not part of the politics now. Not that my company doesn't have politics, but is more like a family argument more than politics.

So hard to have people whom we don't have any self-interest with. It's like whoever we meet, there's always a motive there. To earn their money, to gain some advantage. I've forgotten how pure a relationship without any motives.

Vision

Yesterday I downloaded few apps to look see what are the apps that are useful to me.

One of them is Vision Board.

Inside there are examples, and I knew what's the reason my actions never go tally with my plannings. And my motivation of working is so surface.

Because I keep on having this fear that I'll fail to achieve my goals. Therefore I do not dare to really take time and visualise what I want in the future. I do not dare to dream big to avoid disappointments.

The what-ifs cloud my mind, and it just keep me floating and floating but it doesn't really motivate me to do what I need to do.

I admire people who start from 0 and be able to reach the top. But other than admiring, I do nothing different basically.

What else do you do to keep yourself moving?

BKK Company Trip

Basically, this is my 3rd company trip. But 1st for 3rd company. So, the conclusion is, I've went to 1 company trip for the previous 2 jobs. Feel so old because this is my 3rd job already.

HOPEFULLY I'M NOT CHANGING JOB ANYTIME SOON.

But compared with the 1st two trips, this is much much fun. Because for the 1st, not much colleagues on the same level. 2nd one is because I only know me and my mentor from same branch, the rest are all from different branches and different regions.

This time though, is actually similar condition. Most of my colleagues are seniors whom I'm not very familiar with. But we can click more, and even though more than half of them smoke and drink beer, I don't feel the pressure to do the same, unlike in my 2nd job. Where I was told that to build more relationships, you should do this and that blah blah.

Of course this was one of my concerns when I first joined. But what they told me was, we're discouraged to drink to build relationships. That's not sincere at all. But when they drink, it's merely to chill. No pressure at all.

Same industry, different culture.


It was indeed a fun trip with them, from adding police-drug addicts captions to photos we took, and ate After You twice (they said they are now looking for Before You -.-), to being questioned some sensitive relationship questions (so Husky are you a cat 😸?), and the highlight of the trip is, whenever they see me with food, they will ask me eh Jasmine you eating ah? and when I'm not eating, eh Jasmine why you not eating one? or eh Jasmine you want to eat ah?

😒

As if you guys never eat.

😒


Oh, I need to mention that I felt nostalgic because some places reminded me of the times when me and my parents came to BKK. Still remember where we went, what we ate and what we bought. There are a lot new places of course, as my colleagues are quite familiar with the good food places where if you ask me to be tour guide I'll certainly forgot where I went. Because my job was just to follow everywhere they go. Hahahaha.

So, 3 countries in half a year. Time to start engine back for 2nd half of the year!!

😉

Discipline

This whole discipline thingy had make me gone crazy a bit here and there.


It's like, one needle see blood. That's a direct translation for self awareness. You know you gotta do something different, you know you gotta be more hardworking, enhance your strengths, overcome weaknesses, and when there's a problem arise, opinions from seniors leaders and boss will just appear in your head somewhere and you'll know what to do if you were them. But just that.....

But just that.


There's always this 'but just that' that crosses my mind and tell me to ignore their advices. The right way of doing things, the right solution to solve problems.

Whenever there's a negative enotion coming up, worries, doubts, insecure, I've come to a stage where other positive voices will auto appear and tell me to focus on solutions not problems. And this tiny voice behind my head will choose to lead the group and start ignoring those positive voices again.

This discipline thing really start to make me think deep, real deep, and sometimes it just make me breakdown a bit on what I really want and need.

When can I overcome my own voice and stop ignoring? When is this self awareness going to be big enough to take over my ignorance? I'm tired of avoiding problems, avoiding doing things that I hate to do which I know will bear fruit at the end.

But it really makes you think so deep, and you'll start wondering, are you going to love the life you're living for the rest of your life?

2018_2019

After weeks and weeks of dumping my blog, I'm finally back. :D

If I were to use one word to describe 2018, there's no doubt other than: C H A L L E N G I N G

May I add another word in front: V E R Y  C H A L L E N G I N G

My 2018 started off with a bang, having celebrate New Year in Guangzhou, going to China again on end of January, this time to Zhang Jia Jie, company trip as I had hit the target. Actually I also hit another incentive trip, which is to Osaka in July. But things got sour, and depressed. Everyday going to work oh-so early, thought of doing extra work to improve myself, end up having fear at 9.30am daily when walk-ins began to come in, and relief when it was 4pm as the shutter was pulled down.

Relief, but stressed too, as we submit daily report into the WhatsApp chatgroup, waiting for managers to shoot us for poor sales figure.

So I made another career jump. A risky jump as this current job has no basic at all and I was just struggling to survive, flexible timing yet too flexible and time is easily wasted without proper planning.

Disagreement between parents and I, just add salt to my wound. Hurt so badly, different type of stress, but can't figure which one is worse. Struggling to grow up, wanted to be independent so badly, but the string keeps holding me back.

There was a happy ending towards end of 2018, but not too long ago things just back to square one.

Even Husky was affected, and I was deeply guilty for it.

Other than all these challenging moments, I went to church camp once again (missed out 2017 one as it clashed with my Taiwan trip), and went to mission trip again. Not to forget, the long awaiting Europe trip. My parents had always planned for it once my dad has longer break due to retirement, finally it has arrived. Just feel that time passed too fast.

Missed out blogging so many weeks, promised myself to blog every week but always had something coming up so I just ignore it.Wanted to be slim, once again failed. Wanted to put braces, wanted to wear Cheongsam, wanted to own my own car, wanted to learn brush lettering and modern calligraphy, all these things are just not happening.

What's the use of writing out goals and resolutions when you just can't fulfill them all?!

Am I a failure for not being able to just grasp what I want to do? To fight for what I want?

Am I living my life, or am I just trying to keep peace and fulfilling my mum's expectation of what my life should be? Having the path being set ahead smoothly is just too ordinary, and realising that I've been behaving too good following my mum's directions till... I have no direction of life at all. Husky said I have too many directions, just not sure which to choose.

Which just end up same conclusion: I don't know what I want to do in life. Instead I was led blindly, following instructions, at the same time losing myself bit by bit each day.

At the age of 25, I just hope that I'll be able to find my purpose in life.

2019 Resolution: To be Fu Guai Po HAHAHAHAHA! Just kiddiiinngggg :D

Have not been taking a lot pictures last year. Hope to take more pictures this year!

Not in Vain

A lot of times we feel that the things that we do are in vain.

For example, I'm someone who like to bury myself for the mistakes that I did, and if I were to be given another chance, I would do it so differently so that I won't feel so wasted on the opportunity given.

But instead of that, I should be grateful that I had the experience, and if the same thing were to happen again, I will be careful and not repeat the same mistake. Of course sometimes I do need a few painful lessons to remind myself.

1 Corinthians 15:58

58 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Psalm 127:1-2

Unless the Lord builds the house,

the builders labor in vain.

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the guards stand watch in vain. 

In vain you rise early

and stay up late,

toiling for food to eat—

for he grants sleep to[a] those he loves.

The disappointments that we have often led to discouragement, and that's what I'm going through right now. I feel that the things that I've done are all in vain, makes me feel resentful to do anything the next day and even wanted to escape from the reality. From discouragement it will lead to disillusionment, which makes Christians back-slided and not trust in God anymore. 

For me, I'm not till that stage, but sometimes I do wish that God can help me to produce fruits like immediately. That's a wishful thinking, but we all know God doesn't work that way. Patience and perseverance are the keys.

I do like this Bible verse as below: 

Psalm 73:16-17

16When I tried to understand all this,

it troubled me deeply

17till I entered the sanctuary of God;

then I understood their final destiny.

Me always trying to figure out what's God's plans for me, but as much as I try to understand, it in turn trouble me even more. Hopefully I'll learn to submit everything to Him and trust Him fully.

Karl Wallenda

I'm currently reading this book Be All You Can Be: A Challenge to Stretch Your God-Given Potential by John Maxwell. One of the stories gave me a very, very deep impression till I always think of it whenever I feel fear or doubt.

So this guy, Karl Wallenda was a tightrope artist who performed daredevil stunt performances.

I read up his history in Google, find his biography quite interesting.

In the book, John mentioned that he read an article which Wallenda 's wife said this:

Sorry, I'm so lazy to type the whole thing, I just searched for the ebook and screenshot from there hahaha.

As a 73 year old stuntman, he had experienced near-death experience, where they failed the 7-man stunt which resulted in few deaths. Yet he went on to perform for so many years without fear.

His death stunned people, as not only is he a famous stunt performer (having recruited even by the Barnum circus, which I think is the same circus in The Greatest Showman), the whole tightrope performance was also broadcasted live.

I can't imagine how was it like being a spectator there, having seen so many of his performances, never in their minds ever crossed that one day he will die because of a fall. And the fall is due to fear. How to not fall, instead of focusing of walking the tightrope.

How we think often leads to how we feel. Think negatively, and we'll feel doubt and insecure. It's all linked. But when we visualise our success, it leads to feeling passionate and excited to keep on going.

For God always wants us to have a joyful and fruitful life.

A Korean Odyssey

This Korean drama is the Korean version of Journey to the West with characters greatly linked into romantic relationship.

I'm quite fascinated with the relationships that are twisted. In Journey to the West, Monkey King needs to listen to the Monk, otherwise the crown on his head will be tighten and cause him headache.

Whereas in the Korean version, Monkey King needs to listen to the Monk (who's a girl) because there's a crown bracelet on his wrist (quite cute) and only the Monk has the power to take it out. And because of it, they fall in love with each other hahahaha!

There are also morals to learn in the story.

One of it is a guy who drives after drinking alcohol, alongside his wife who's pregnant. Then there's this devil who enters the car (humans can't see them) and tempted the driver to speed which almost caused an accident to happen.

Monkey King came in time to stop the car (let it spins few rounds somemore) and cast out the devil. He told the driver to not drink before driving to not let the devil to successfully tempt him to do things that he should not do.

Another incident is where the Devil of Swears (lol the name) tempts people to write nasty comments in social media about a shop which result in the shop closed down due to the critics. It is due to jealousy in humans' hearts which caused them to be easily tempted to speak harsh words to each other.

I find these scenarios so true in reality.

Just last Sunday, Pr Eric talked about Overcoming Demonic Influence, it is exactly the same theory as told in the Korean drama. It happens to all of us, even to me.

My weakness is anxiety lately, where I'm anxious of doing cold calls, calling customers to know more on their profile and to give advice on mortgage loan. I always mess up especially the part where I'm supposed to give solutions to customers and not giving them more problems hahaha. And also because my banking info and experience is not enough, I tend to have hiccups when it comes to advising. Not forget to mention, the way I speak is still very direct and not in a better way which will make customer more comfortable talking to me.

I can say that this job really stretch me more than my previous 2 jobs. The job before this stretched me too, but in a super stress manner which will make me cry due to pressure. This job however is more to discipline and focus.

I know that I always focus on the wrong things. I focus on problems not solutions. And also often I forget to focus on God who is much more bigger than my problems and challenges. Hence I need to learn to cast away my anxieties, and not let the devil to overcome my daily life.

勿忘初心

现在的我对于这个份工作充满满满的热情，很想快点学完快点装备自己然后去打战。

可是我又有点害怕，因为第二份工刚开始做的时候也是超热情超有兴趣，每天去上班的心情是兴奋的。然后就开始慢了下来，热情淡了下来。

今天听到其中一位leader也说了类似的话，当初好多位也是带着热情去做这一份工，不管是为了每个月赚5位数，还是每年赚6位数，又或者是因为赚了钱也想有时间享受，用这些钱过一些好一点的生活，大多数的人都忘了自己的目标，也忘了当初加入公司的原因为为了什么。

然后他们从一开始很会规划自己的行程，到最后沦落为迷失的羔羊，变得不知所措，因为方向模糊了，又或者是之前没好好地做功课，整天往错的方向乱撞，撞得自己头破血流，到最后只是为了做而做，而不是为了达到自己的目标而做。

有些人只是想一直地赚钱，赚到的钱多到根本不知道要拿来做些什么，只是觉得在银行的数目每天上升是一件很好的事情。

有些人的目标是想要投资房地产，或者买更好的车，吃更好的料，去更好的国家旅行，当然这些都是身外物。投资再多房地产，买再好的车，吃再好的料，去再好的国家旅行，这些又或许是有限的物质需求。

可是很多人就是一味地为了追求这些东西而拼命做工，连吃个饭的时间也没有。

我们要赚钱，我们也要有生活。定了个目标，不是为了要累死自己，而是因为达到这个目标我们可以做些我们要做的事情，还有同一时间也可以帮助别人解决问题。

对我而言，我要的是时间。有时间陪伴家人，有时间照顾孩子打理家庭，同一时间又不要断掉收入的来源。家人需要我时我不必要看上司的脸色拿假，那多了分分钟被人炒鱿鱼，你也不好意思霸着那个座位不让公司请一个更好的员工；不拿假你就得牺牲跟家人的时间。

今天所得到的讯息是众所周知的，可是却往往最容易疏忽的。你要的目标是什么，你要很清晰，有了目标就可以开始规划，规划得来也别把自己的时间挤到没得过生活。只要你的方向是正确的，你不会怕达不到你要的目标。

别忘了当初做的决定为的是什么。

成长

我又换工了。

2016年4月第一份工，对于这份工，我没有很认真。纯碎是不想继续躲在家过着闲聊的日子，等着交了阅历的公司的电话说要我去面试，等着面试了的公司打给我说录取我了。

等呀等呀，等到心急了，说好了不要录取我也会给我打通电话公司也没履行承诺，我想，这是现实的世界吧。都已经忙得不可开交了，当然把精力放在栽培刚录取的人，哪会还有时间打给那些面试失败的人。

悄悄在心里说好的只做半年，做下做下竟然做了一年半。而这一年半过得挺轻松，不用那么早起床，也准时放工。公司的政治话题永远是那种明明是超级小事但被他们夸大到很严重的事。

做了一年也开始犹豫了，到底该不该持续在这么舒服的环境里，还是是时候到外面闯一闯了。结果跑去交阅历、被叫去面试，到被录取。

就这样撇下会计的生活，开始销售的工作。如果说我在做第一份工时的生活像是没了心跳的反应一样只有一条横线，那我的第二份工就像是刚刚做了云霄飞车一样的起伏极大。

紧张，兴奋，焦虑，释怀，什么情绪都一涌而上。有开心，也有难过的，最好笑的是在自己的生日当天因为处理一些与销售无关的事处理得不好而惹上一些麻烦，害怕得哭了。

现在想回去超好笑的好不好！哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈。

8个月后，我又辞职了。

再辞职之前有想过好多或许不用辞职，又或许不需要离开公司的方法，因为这件事情难过了好久。后来，释怀了，决定离开。

现在这份工让我觉得付出100%，看到的酬劳也是100%，风险在于它不稳定，可是也代表它够flexible。

稳定的东西总是让人心安，却不能够让你成长；相反的，不稳定的东西能让你看到自己的能力能去到多远，当你真的成功的时候你得到的回报也很大。

这是我在比较这两份工的时候的想法。当然，如果我在第二份工做得很好的话那会更好，因为那是个即稳定又可以让你走出舒适圈的工作。

2018年6月，开始了第三份工。在此做个纪录，至少要做两年以上！！！

第一份工的公司近得可以走路去，第二份工的公司搭MRT能直接抵达，第三份工是跑来跑去的工，代表我必须开始学会驾车了。

想了想，我比别人的成长速度慢了好多好多。别人18岁开始驾车，我24岁才开始驾车，真对不起18岁时就拿到的驾驶执照。

换工是个挺累的事情，没有换老公换到酱多次就OK啦哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈!!!!!!

Flow

Lately I've been seeing things way lot different.

Just like last week, when I was an hour late for training in Pudu because the MRT bus was off the schedule, and the MRT stopped longer than it should at every stations.

Instead of feeling panic, I was quite chill and felt like, okay la, since I'm late already, nevermind la, 5 mins and 10 mins late don't make a difference.

Especially when I'm always so much earlier than others every single day, I feel like I have the rights to be late for a day hahahahaha.

Of course I got a little panic when I had just one more station left to reach my destination, thinking oh c'mon, just move and I'll be alright, doesn't matter if the MRT stops for very long again in the next station because well, I wasn't in it so it's alright hahaha!!

And when I took the MRT bus to the station I had the chance to look out and just you know, really absorb whatever I see, rather than looking at my phone and of course, sitting in a bus gives you better view outside because it's higher than normal vehicles.

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Whereas regarding my job, I've found the solution in handling stress, which is to equip myself more with techniques and knowledge, and also to find out customers' needs rather than trying to sell something. Prayers work too, as I ask for joy and passion in my workplace knowing that God will provide me whatever I need to fulfill the purpose that he has placed me there.

Also, working effectively and efficiently is very very important because that means no staying back, as I already done the things that I should do during working hours, and that I can have more time with my parents. I do realise that I have done very minimal housework helping them out since I started this job, making me feeling guilty because by the time I have my dinner and bath, it was quite late and I will spend remaining hours doing my own stuff which includes doing homework for work.

And when I have more time, I can sleep earlier and get more energy in the next morning otherwise I will feel super grumpy going to work wondering if I could just stop working and sleep all day long.

But to date, I still fail to go back on time, spend more time with parents, help them out with housework and sleep more as I still feel that I can spend more time in office using the system to do things that I need to do and of course, your work will never ever end.

That is why I need to learn more, learn faster, just to be more efficient and productive. I want to enjoy my working life as much as I enjoy my life knowing that this is God's gift for all of us.

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They say that working in bank is very pressure. I totally see the reason why, but I also look up to those who made it to the top and feel that if they can do it, there must be a reason why I can do this long term too.

As long as I understand the purpose why God put me here, there will be no mountains that we can't move.

Singapore '16 - Part 3

So the 3rd day was the day where I went for the interview! There was also a Malaysian guy, coincidentally from SEGi also (but he was in KL and Subang campus la) who's already working got called up for this job too.

We chatted for a while, and then it was my turn to attend the interview. Honestly saying la, it wasn't that challenging. But perhaps I asked stupid question so they decided to reject me la. Hahahahaha.

Then the funny thing happened.

I couldn't call my parents who went for a walk around the area to notify them the interview was over. Somehow the phone couldn't get through them. There was free wifi in the company but my phone couldn't connect to it either. So I went to the registration counter and told the securities that I couldn't call out and one of them told me that the phone line is quite bad so I had to walk a bit further down to get clearer signal. I did, but still couldn't call out.

So I walked back and see if there was any house-phone that I can use. Turned out that there was no house-phone. The head of security, a quite elderly uncle told me that there is a public phone opposite the company, BUT I DON'T HAVE S$ WITH ME! So he lent me some. Felt so touched instantly. *sob* So I crossed the road to the opposite and saw a public phone, but I couldn't call out. I forgot to press the +60 I think. :P

At the end I went back, gave him back the coins and told him that it was okay I can just wait in the lobby but he lent me his handphone, even to call out an international number. Felt so touched instanly x2. *sob sob* I even ran up to the level where the interview was conducted to see if the guy from SEGi was still there or not but he ciao already. In the end, cannot la. So I went back to the lobby to wait.

After almost an hour, my parents walked in and thought I ngam ngam came down. That was the first time I felt so happy to see my parents. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!! Okay la so bad, but really la, felt like lost sheep and I was found. xD

You know what actually happened? I just changed my phone line from Maxis to Celcom and I didn't call up to activate my international roaming. That was why I couldn't call in SG. Why other phones couldn't reach my dad's phone? Because forgot to press +60. -.-

When I was ehem reunited with my parents we went to Bugis Street again and at night we met up with my dad's colleague and had fabulous SG Chinese dinner. So the full. ;D

Oh ya, we also bought this egglet in I forgot where hahahaha. :P

So the next day we went back home!

It was quite an interesting trip because we walked quite a lot and we were very impressed with the MRT. You missed this round, it's okay, you just need to wait for another 2 mins. The escalators in the stations super fast, just like in Tokyo. And the watches! Omg 3 for S$10 in Bugis Street. I chose 2 and another one my Mum chose. If you don't convert la, practically you're buying a watch for S$3. If you convert la, it's the same as in Malaysia la, around RM10+ la.

Generally saying, if you convert, then of course it's expensive. If you don't, you'll find it relatively affordable to buy stuff in SG. But why it's quoted as one of the expensive cities to live in? Because of the limited land. Even flats or apartments are so much expensive than in Malaysia. Haven't convert already consider expensive. After convert even worse.

But one thing about working in SG la: Once you start to work there, you won't feel like coming back to Malaysia anymore because of the currency. Let's say you earn S$3000. If you come back, you get RM3000. But you'll feel the gap because you don't convert your salary. At the end you'll feel like continue to work in SG because you can't bear to not convert your pay hahaha.

Fast forward 2 months, I'm already working but yet to receive any rejection email from the company. Thank God I didn't persist on going there and decided to work in Malaysia instead. Because if I still insist on going to SG, I would have missed out a lot of things. A lot until I think that I will regret going to SG. Whether it's the chance to reignite a previous relationship, or the chance to get closer to God, or to witness the ups and downs of my parents' relationship, I would have missed it all. Just because I'm not in Malaysia. I'm really glad that I didn't go there and because of that I had the chance to go through what I went through in the last few months. But in the future, that I don't know. ;)

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. - 2 Timothy 1:7 -

Singapore '16 - Part 1

As I had mentioned earlier, I'll blog about my secret trip to SG in March. Secret trip because I don't want anybody to know that I managed to get an interview in SG and maybe get the job but I run back to Malaysia because I beh tahan. HAHAHAHA.

So on the 13th of March, I arrived in SG Changi airport with my parents (duh, since when I travel without my parents HAHAHA). Yup, took a flight to SG for the first time. The last time we went to SG is by car, my Dad drove all the way down, and the last last time, when I was a little kid. Still cute and innocent. Well, still am la hahaha. :P

We lived around the Lavender area and thank God that they allowed us to check in early, which was around 10+am. So we took a short nap. Hehe. I tell you ah, taking a flight from KL to SG is like traveling from Kepong to Kota Damansara. Half an hour, gaodim already. Those who ordered food didn't really have the time to enjoy hahaha because before you know it, they are announcing the touch down of the plane LOL.

We bought 3days MRT passes so we didn't need to worry about the MRT fare and just went to anywhere we wanted.

Honestly saying, this is considered the first time we really explore SG. Because few years back we just stayed one night in SG, which our day was spent around the Orchard Road and night with my Dad's colleague and another two days were spent in Universal Studios + S.E.Q Aquarium. When I was young that time no need say la, don't even remember going to Singapore hahaha!

Hotel lobby

The view outside my room

Outside the hotel

:D

High rise building

IT RAINED!!!!
I GO EVERYWHERE ALSO RAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

We went to the Bugis Street, like Petaling Street la.

S$1 fruit juice?! 

The Bugis Street

This guy super tall wei

This, is the whole SG. After few rounds of MRT trip, it ain't that complicated after all. If you think this looks confusing, you can't survive in Japan. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

At night, we stopped by Clark Quay. Reminds me of Asiatic in Bangkok. Same pattern one. Haha.

The err, bouncing flying up game. Hahahaha. 

Then we headed to Bukit Gombak where my cousin sister lives. She's staying with a family who has a room to be rented out, but share with another girl. We got lost because the map that she sent to us confused us, in the end we waited at McDonald's nearby, and when she came and brought us to her house, we were like, so near only!

Overall the environment is okay, my Mum felt sad for me because I lost a room and had to share with another person HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I can click with the family right away, quite excited that I'll be (I thought la okay) a part of this family too, and with my cousin sister here, I got nothing to worry.

We went for supper at the mamak nearby, ordered roti planta and roti cheese, not bad! xD

Then we went back to our hotel and slept.