Lessons

My Sunday didn't just end by absorbing the message from Pr Eric's sermon.

After the sermon, usually the pastor will ask anyone who needs prayers or just to reaffirm their faith in Christ to come out to the altar (it's just in front of the stage la). My dad asked us to go out, probably he wanted to reaffirm his faith so we went out together la.

Then there were church members who came to pray for us, we didn't tell them we are having any problems or what, they just pray the normal prayers for us.

To non Christians, maybe you do not know that there's a situation where a person prays for you, and you'll feel numb and fall backwards. If you watch Christianity videos you'll know what I'm talking about. 

It's actually the Holy Spirit being present in your heart and you'll feel numb and won't have energy so you'll fall backwards. That's not a nice condition to be seen, truth to be told. That was why when I had this feeling during a church camp in high school I harden and did not fall backwards. 

Of course back then I didn't really understand why I felt that way, just felt weird why other people fell backwards. When I had the feeling to fall, I hold myself and didn't fall because of my reluctance to surrender to God and as what I said earlier, falling backwards in front of unknown people is not nice at all. 

But on Sunday. It was totally different. I remember asking Serene, one of the church members last two weeks about this condition and the reason it happened. Not everybody will fall, because not everybody will have the feeling. 

And as I said earlier, me and my parents went out to receive prayers and when an Indian lady came to pray for me, I didn't even have the chance to listen to what she was praying, I felt weak, and I fall backwards.

Immediately other church members covered my body (without my face la okay) with a cloth, I was wearing skirt, but it is a common practice despite whatever you're wearing. 

I couldn't feel my body for a moment, but I felt light. As if the burden in my heart is already taken away. 

After a while I felt that I can move again, so I just stood up. That time other church members were still praying for my mum so I just waited beside her and I cried a bit. 

To non Christians, this may seem terrifying because you have no idea what's going on. When I first went to church and saw this kind of situation I was also shocked. I didn't know why the people fall backwards, I didn't know what had happened. 

They say that's it's the Lord's presence entering our bodies. Or souls. Not too sure about that. Last time I harden my heart because of ego. This time maybe my heart was too burdened so I didn't have energy to defend myself or to think of ego.

I was very, very tired. 

What happened in these 4 months made me weary. Although most of the problems are solved and situations are indeed getting better, I guess that the accumulated tiredness in my heart were not fully cleared yet.

And when I fall backwards, it indicates that I surrender everything to God. Instead of trying to take control in everything that happened.

I also learned that I'm not able to pass strength that I received from God to those who need it. In this way I'll be carrying burden of others and make myself even weary. Instead, when others are not able to absorb the positivity that I'm giving them, I should stop forcing all these encouragement to them, and focus on praying for them instead. 

I felt so much better because I know that I can trust God in these situations and at the same time I do not need to blame myself for not being able to help them. They have to receive strength by their own and only they themselves can receive by opening their hearts and walking out from the narrow paths. 

After service we went to The Curve and I saw a family of 3 singing along to the pianist while he played the piano. He was playing Can't Help Falling in Love with You by Elvis Presley and they sang along. Such a joyful family. The public was also influenced by their happiness and sang along too.

Do you want this kind of joy? I know I want it. But to those who ended their lives by themselves because of something bad that happened, they don't have the chance to experience this kind of joy in their lives later on.

Which path do you choose? :)