Feelings

To me, it's the feelings that count.

Whether is buying a dress, or to a person, it's the feelings that count.

I remember when I wanna buy a pair of shoes for my piano practical exam, aww maaaan, it was hard to find a suitable one, and I found it last minute. Of course before that I saw a few nice ones, but the feeling wasn't there so I didn't buy.

And this time, I wanna buy a dress. Actually I had plan to wear that purple dress that I already had which I even showed to a few of my friends, but then Mum said it ain't suitable with the function so I had walked around One-Utama twice, MidValley once, The Curve, Ikano, you name it.

I went to Sg Wang before, thought that there will be a nice one, but unfortunately no.

Then the last Sunday before the function, Mum dragged me there again, just to see whether there are any new arrivals or not. I hesitated 'cause, well, I thought there ain't any.

But when we reached our fav shop, voila! There were the new arrivals and the dresses are quite suitable with the dress code, took 4 to try on, 3 blacks and 1 purple. I wanna buy a purple dress 'cause black is like, quite dull, but then the purple one ain't nice.

So, I chose a black one. Ha. The most expensive among all 4. I was quite hesitate to buy that one, because of the price, but, the feeling was there, and Mum said it was ok to buy that, so I bought it.


But why when your feelings are there, and you only have people trying to deny what you're feeling, you gotta have a lot of WHYs in your mind.

Is it your feelings that went wrong?

Why is someone trying to deny, deny and deny?

Why is someone trying to lie, lie and lie?

Deny and lie, they are just the same.

Is it my fault for feeling the wrong things?

Is it my fault that my feelings are not supposed to be what they are meant to be?

I need proof, to proof that my feelings are right, but many times, I just can't ask.

And I'm dreadfully tired of these things.

Maybe I should stop feeling and well, be a cold-blooded person for a while.

That's why I was so frustrated when he said no, last year.

That means my feelings are right, and wrong at the same time.

Right, because if he said yes, it'll feel so wrong. Yes, it feels so wrong for him saying yes, that means it's right for him to say no.

Wrong, 'cause that means all the way my feelings are wrong? Wth? What happened for the past few months last year was just an illusion?

No way man, I won't admit it.

I'll just treat that he lied.

I'm stubborn, yes indeed.