Alone.

Being alone.

It doesn't mean that you're lonely and you have no life.

Not being in a relationship for 21.5 years indirectly make me more mentally secure, as in I can survive without having a partner.

It also makes me think, while observing my friends' relationships, on what kind of guy should I choose to be my partner.

Partner not only in terms of choosing this guy as my boyfriend, but also as my future husband.

And people will say something like, don't be so naive. Nowadays where got people marry to their first loves one?

I don't know whether I'll marry to my first love or not. I just can say that, I don't need so-called experiences to find my Mr Right. If he's the right one, one enough la. Buat apa nak banyak teman lelaki kan.

They say that a person's perception towards a partner's criteria i.e how tall how good looking how talented will change as we grow older.

To me is forever the same one thing: If a person is lazy, who only knows how to complaint and never really try hard to succeed, you can just cross him out from the list. Wait. Never need to even include him into the list.

Give him money and he'll finish using in no time. Give him responsibilities and he'll delay and ignore it. Give him a job, he'll be fired before he even starts.

Habits can be changed and trained.

Characteristic however, is hard.

Just like the video showing the girl with princess temper trying to get her ex-bf back that I watched few weeks back.

Her ex-bf told everyone what's her temper how she treated him and his mum and the weird things that she did.

The problem is, the girl is trying to get him back but when he exploded all the bad stuff, she scolded him back and when she was reminded by the host, she kept on saying she'll change.

You think she will? Perhaps. But not immediately. Her ex was just a passerby who wasn't meant to be with her forever. Maybe after this incident she will slowly change her character and learn to be more...not so princess.

Same goes to me. I don't think anyone will be serious with me with my high school character. Everyday I'll just shoot people and talk sarcastically. Not like I don't shoot people and talk sarcastically now. Just that I minimise it. It's part of my character anyhow. It won't fully go away but it can be minimised.


Tell you guys something: Sometimes I understand myself by understanding Husky. The first few times I went to his house for piano practice, I suddenly realised why people often like to annoy me. Because of my reaction. Same goes to him. If only his reaction is not that big, and just chill without any reaction and funny expressions, people won't even want to tease him. Hehehehehe.

And sometimes I see my dad in him. Like his curly hair and uncle attitude and, the habit of crunching ice cubes. Not really sure whether all guys like to crunch ice cubes, but yeah, he does resemble my Dad. Sometimes la. :P And it's all coincidences okay. Not like I purposely find a guy who has similar characteristics as my Dad and choose to like him or something like that. -.-

Just the other day my Mum asked me whether I'll feel hurt if one day, he choose to leave me. I tell her I'm not going to answer her hypothetical question. Because if I speak the truth,  she will say something like, that's why ask you don't so fast pak thor blah blah blah and if I lie, which I won't because the truth is yes, I'll feel hurt.

Because yes, I like you and yes, I can see you in my future. There might be some changes, we won't know, but at least I can visualise it.

But if things change, at least I know I survive when you haven't exist in my life. I'll remind myself that and move on. Sound so pathetic lol.

To somebody: Maybe it's time for you to really spend some time alone, think of what you want and what you need. Maybe you don't even need to think. Just stop thinking about relationships, focus on your family and friends, someday you'll meet your Mr Right. You have a life. You have your talents, you have me, you have us. 

What's so great about having a guy anyway? To make life miserable? Nah, you don't deserve all that. You should put it to an end. Focus on yourself. Love yourself more. Think of how you manage to escape from the dark cave last time. If you did it, you can do it again. Think of how you live when he's not in the picture. And... try not to focus on short term happiness. What's the point of knowing that you'll be miserable after a short term of period of happiness? 

Come to think of it. If I use 21.5 years to figure out what I want and to found the one, if you follow my steps, you probably will find your (probably) Mr Right when you're 43 years old (21.5 x 2).

All the best in that. I'll make sure that my doors are always opened for you to live. I mean, look at the rental interest that I can get. For another 21.5 years. That's a large sum. Now if you would excuse me, I would like to calculate how much rental should I charge you per year. Provided that Husky doesn't kick you out from the house.


Life is unpredictable. There are countless things I can never know with certainty. What can I know, however, is that there is a God who knows all and loves me deeply. And by knowing Him, I can "be still". I can be at peace. God's care is the certainty we take into life's uncertainties. :)