Effort.

I remember seeing a post in FB, saying that efforts are not important in a relationship.

For example, a girl wants the hot water to be cooled down.

A guy fans the hot water hopefully it will turn cold, as the girl wishes. But then another guy came, put in a few ice cubes, and the hot water was cooled down in no time.

Are efforts not important? Because I'm always emphasizing on efforts, so this situation makes me thinking, what went wrong?

In the end, I came up with a conclusion that, the first guy is not smart enough.


HAHAHAHAHAHA. Just kidding.


This situation kinda replicates a situation whereby the first guy doesn't have enough money so he works hard, but the second guy who has money, comes along, voila, managed to capture the girl's heart.

In reality, a person who has money doesn't mean that he is willing to put in effort to make his relationship works. And a person who doesn't have much money doesn't mean he's willing to put effort.

We often associate money with character. A person who has money is a bad one, and vice-versa.

But, I know people who have money who are willing to put in effort to make their relationships work. Think about this. This person, he can easily tells his gf to go shop alone and all he did is to just pass her his credit card. He also can choose to not be there for his gf and spend time with other people instead, or to use his money to buy things for himself, such as latest gadgets etc. As what is always expected in dramas where the rich one is not loyal, etc etc.

In an opposite situation, a person who has money and at the same time puts effort means that he's willing to take his time to buy something for his gf that he thinks she likes, or to come out with D-I-Y stuff to surprise his gf, or even just to accompany his gf to do something they like, such as traveling and etc. All of these requires money, and effort. Buying something is not easy at all. It takes a lot of thinking and understanding, and fears that the partner might not like what was chosen. But, effort is there.

I often thought that a person who doesn't have much money will be more afraid to lose his partner, knowing that this is a realistic world, so he will try his best to fulfill his partner's emotional needs, or is more willing to spend time to do something special for her, or even just to be there when she needs him, at the same time trying to save money for their future.

But I soon learn that it is not necessary to be this way.

Effort doesn't come together with money. It all depends on individual.

To be fair to guys, the above situation can be replaced by girls as well.

I truly believe that a relationship will only work if both parties are willing to put in effort. It's like kayaking for 2 people. If only one person is kayaking, the other person will have difficulties controlling the kayak to go to the desired direction. If both of them stop kayaking, the kayak will not be able to move to the direction that they wanted. It will just move according to the stream and who knows where it will head to.


A highschool friend of mine, recently was tagged in his gf's picture as a celebration of their 6th monthsary. This was what she wrote:

He did not buy me a bouquet of roses, but a pot of chrysanthemums for my mum.
He did not bring me for western dinner with red wine, but he bought me my favourite curry bihun and got me Ribena.
He did not buy me a Gucci handbag for shopping, but a Nike backpack for lifelong traveling.
He said he couldn't able to buy me expensive one but he had given me something money couldn't buy which is happiness. 

I was stunned the moment I finished reading the first sentence. I didn't expect someone of my age to care for the partner's parents as well. Some people say why so rush to meet the partner's parents, wait until want to marry only meet la.

But this guy, I know that he's not rich, but he is willing to put in efforts to show his care and love even to his gf's parents. How many people around my age ever thought of that? Correction, how many people around my age ever really did something like that?

Yeah we all knew how to think, but did we ever bring our thoughts to action? No. This friend of mine did it. If I'm not mistaken, this is his first love. Not sure whether his gf ever hinted him to do something like that, but at least, he did. That's the most important thing. Whether it's a pot of flowers, or words of care, it just shows that he cares.

And in another situation, I remember I was chatting with a uni friend few months back. He was panicking as his phone suddenly couldn't be switched on and he couldn't contact his gf to tell her that his phone had problems and cannot be used to connect with her. He told me that she will be very worried about him, whether he's in trouble or what. I smiled and thought how warm it is, to be panic because the thought of the gf not being able to find him makes him worried.

Then he told me he bought flowers for his gf and I was like, wooowwww you bought flowers for your gf~ He said he bought twice for her, I was like, wahhhhhhh~ with my eyes bling bling. Then he was like, why not?

Before that, I need to tell you that he's not rich either. In fact I think that he has a bit financial problem. But he's willing to buy flowers to make his gf happy. I'm pretty sure that his gf didn't take a gun and point at his head and ask him to buy her flowers. Hahaha. Because for some reason she looks like an understanding gf who knows perfectly well of his situation and doesn't demand anything except for his love. The reason why he bought her flowers is the very least that he can do to show his love. Of course it doesn't need to be flowers. But, yeah.

The question lies on WHY NOT?

Yes, why not? When you truly love someone, you just want to put in effort to make her happy. Why don't you want to make her happy? Why, not? Why do you need to force yourself to make her happy and not naturally just want her to be happy? Isn't that what real love is about? You don't need to make yourself unhappy just to please your partner. But rather, it's your love that makes you want to put effort to make this relationship works. 


Effort means that you have the heart to do something voluntarily. And by that, it means real love. I never like people to force me to do something, and in return, I don't like to force people to do something either. Effort must be done continuously. You can't just stop putting effort once you think the relationship is stable.

One of my girlfriends said that there's no such thing as the 'honeymoon phase' where couples only feel the sweetness throughout this period. If both parties are willing to put in effort, the 'honeymoon phase' can last forever, not just a certain period. The coming Valentine's is her 3rd anniversary with her bf, and she still Facetime with him every night despite their packed schedules. 

As you can see, it's not always about flowers, chocolates and stuff. It can be as simple as giving your time.




There are girls who post statuses like If you want to date me on Valentine's make sure you buy me a LV bag first.

I was like, I don't even dare to request for a small teddy bear and all I want is time and love, the basic needs in a relationship and you're there requesting for branded bags as if anyone will want to fulfill your request. The only solution for their problems is to give them few fishes and name them LV, Gucci, Prada, Chanel and Hermes. 5 fishes should be enough for these type of girls LOL.


 


Some day, I'll meet someone who loves me, and is willing to put in effort to sustain our relationship. I do not need to give him step-by-step instructions on how to be a bf (not MY bf) in general, I do not need to cry over unnecessary things. It doesn't mean that there won't be arguments or tears, but I know that he's willing to work it out with me rather than giving me all sort of excuses. I know that I'll be able to trust him fully, and with that he doesn't need to hide anything from me. He doesn't need to wear a mask in front of me, he doesn't need to pretend who he isn't.

He'll be curious to know how was my day and how am I feeling just because he cares. I no longer need to only give, but I'll be able to receive as well.

He doesn't need to talk a lot, because he knows that his actions are what I need the most. He doesn't need to know how to really comfort me when I'm in sorrow, but he'll be there to pray with me, to give me strength through God's words. 

We'll change, as day passes, but we are happy, we are willing to make changes because of the love that exists. We don't need to force ourselves by making changes that we're so unwillingly to do.

Some day, I know that it will come. But just not now. Not yet. 


Make me a gentle person, Lord. One who doesn't quickly react in frustration to every annoyance that comes my way. Give me a spirit of self-control and patience.