I Wanted To... But Then

There were a lot of things that I wanted to do when I was in high school.

Back then I couldn't because of some ridiculous rules.

Yes, I'm an Aquarian and that proves it 'cause I dislike rules.

Ridiculous ones, I mean.

So I felt relieved when I graduated from high school, like finally! Glad to know that I'm free of rules, and don't need to bound and tied by them anymore.


I wanted to do a lot of things, example, doing nail polish, bringing phone to school and listen to music whilst doing maths, stop wearing uniforms, and do lots of things that I can't remember now.

( Gosh, what's happening to my memory. )

And of course, get a guy.

One of the reasons that I didn't involve in a relationship back then is simply because, I think that relationships in high school won't last long.

Ok, so a few couples, ( to be exact, 2 couples ) whom I know  survive this silly theory of mine. And they're STILL together. But that's all.

And puppy love is something that I don't wanna involve.

Why do something when you know it won't last long and will end very soon? To keep those sweet memories? Yeah.. Right.

I was hoping that, I can find someone in college. Because in my world, there weren't too many people in my life. My world, was just inside my high school, my home, and oh, fb.

And nope. I'm not going to find a bf through fb. On9 relationship? Gimme a break. That's something that I won't do for the rest of my life.

Not involved in a relationship, back then, also simply because I was scared.

Seeing what happened to my friends when their relationships turned upside-down, seeing them crying and heartbreaking. It's a huge suffer.

I really didn't dare to take the risk, enough heartbreaking during year end of f4. It was too unbearable for me to go through another similar situation.

No no.

Simply because I wanna venture into a new life, a new world, which I thought it'll be wonderful and nice.

I love freedom. I ain't ready to be tied by a relationship when I even don't have the chance to see what's outside.

I thought, let me go, when I've enough, when I'm tired, I'll come back, to my previous life, to you, maybe.

So, here I am now, trying to come back. But I realised that it's a bit too late.

Once, I wanted to do nail polish so much. But then, I realised that it ain't suitable for me. So I stopped.

Once, I wanted to let my hair grow 'cause I was tired of having it short. But then, I realised that when time flies, when my hair grows longer & longer, I'll have it short again. Just, not too short, like what I had in high school. No matter what, I'll let it grow till the length that I want. You won't notice it if you see me everyday, but you will, when you see me once in a blue moon.

Once, I wanted to not involve in a relationship. But then, I realised that because of that, I missed a chance.


I hardly have regrets on making decisions. Just this, I regretted a lil.

I always like the scene of students wearing school uniforms walking together as a couple. I always thought that it's a sweet & cute thing.

Too bad, I didn't have the chance.

Well, guess that I still have to wait.

I constantly have to remind myself,
the main reason why I chose to pretend
and to ignore those signals & signs that you gave me.

The A & F club will be organising a trip to Dell Inc in April. Can't wait!