So Near Yet So Far

Woke up at 5:20am, realising that my watch was saying I Love You to me, and couldn't sleep back till 7am.

Went to SEGi feeling drowsy and sleepy and the air-cond is just soooooooooo coooolllllllllddddddd.

Scrolled FB, saw a few pictures that made me went OMG YOU WERE HERE YESTERDAY WHY WERE YOU HERE WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AGAIN I WAS NEARBY THERE AS WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah my reaction was as big as the font size of these words.

So near yet so far.

And he didn't appear today. So I'd stopped wishing that I'll see him anytime soon. Because as what I'd mentioned in an earlier post, when you're not expecting anything, the surprises appear.

Gah. Still feel a bit disappointed.

Okay, him aside.


My mood today. I realised that if I lack of sleep, or wake up at a time when I shouldn't be waking up, my heart tends to beat faster which results in a very uncomfortable feeling and I can just feel the iron level in my blood decreasing (I did a full body medical check up before and my iron level is quite low, means that I will feel tired or dizzy easily).

And when I'm in this kind of situation, I'll be very blur, not knowing exactly what I'm doing and what did I say before, which made people around me just want to smack me and wake me up.

During the EMT test I stared at the questions not knowing what I'm reading because everything just doesn't make sense. Not that I have common sense.

And I found myself daydreaming while staring at the paper.


Sometimes I think I can just shoot people with my silent-killer stare and silent-killer tone.

For example, I was joking and laughing for this minute and the next thing you know, I'm giving you the cold stare and the flat tone. Like, what is happening? Why suddenly like that?

When I lack of sleep, I turn into a zombie. Who jokes and laughs this minute and tunes back into the zombie mood the next minute.

I used to be very sarcastic, very straight-forward in speaking what I feel. Without second or third thoughts. But then nowadays, I care whether I hurt the person's feelings, sometimes I care too much. A lot of things I just bury deep inside my heart, hoping I wouldn't need to dig it out.

It's actually a lot harder than speaking out loud. I just can think out loud. (Too much of Ed Sheeran hahahaha)

Feelings aside.


Those who know me since secondary school knew very well that I was a short-tempered person, and am still a short-tempered person, just that I don't find any reasons to be angry. Even my parents say that I'm very fierce. So, beware of me. I can be the nicest girl in the entire universe and shoot you with my silent-killer stare and tone the next minute. Muahahahahahahaha.

I got to know new friends these few days by helping out for the Easter event (more on the event on the next post), and one of the girls told me today that I'm so bubbly, and that I'm always so happy.

I was like, wow, I only know you yesterday and you told me this, and I told her about my characteristics in secondary school and that I decided to change to a more cheerful person, and she said that it must be a big change! I heartily said yes, and add on that I still don't have enough patient to teach and handle kids though (because she is from the Faculty of Education).

So, I just wanna say thank you to Kirsten for the wonderful compliment! Oh, I just want to mention that she's a bubbly girl as well!


Gonna remind myself more that I shouldn't take my family and friends for granted, especially when I don't have the mood because it's always unfair to them.

I should learn how to speak it out.