If I were to use one word to describe 2018, there's no doubt other than: C H A L L E N G I N G
May I add another word in front: V E R Y C H A L L E N G I N G
My 2018 started off with a bang, having celebrate New Year in Guangzhou, going to China again on end of January, this time to Zhang Jia Jie, company trip as I had hit the target. Actually I also hit another incentive trip, which is to Osaka in July. But things got sour, and depressed. Everyday going to work oh-so early, thought of doing extra work to improve myself, end up having fear at 9.30am daily when walk-ins began to come in, and relief when it was 4pm as the shutter was pulled down.
Relief, but stressed too, as we submit daily report into the WhatsApp chatgroup, waiting for managers to shoot us for poor sales figure.
So I made another career jump. A risky jump as this current job has no basic at all and I was just struggling to survive, flexible timing yet too flexible and time is easily wasted without proper planning.
Disagreement between parents and I, just add salt to my wound. Hurt so badly, different type of stress, but can't figure which one is worse. Struggling to grow up, wanted to be independent so badly, but the string keeps holding me back.
There was a happy ending towards end of 2018, but not too long ago things just back to square one.
Even Husky was affected, and I was deeply guilty for it.
Other than all these challenging moments, I went to church camp once again (missed out 2017 one as it clashed with my Taiwan trip), and went to mission trip again. Not to forget, the long awaiting Europe trip. My parents had always planned for it once my dad has longer break due to retirement, finally it has arrived. Just feel that time passed too fast.
Missed out blogging so many weeks, promised myself to blog every week but always had something coming up so I just ignore it.Wanted to be slim, once again failed. Wanted to put braces, wanted to wear Cheongsam, wanted to own my own car, wanted to learn brush lettering and modern calligraphy, all these things are just not happening.
What's the use of writing out goals and resolutions when you just can't fulfill them all?!
Am I a failure for not being able to just grasp what I want to do? To fight for what I want?
Am I living my life, or am I just trying to keep peace and fulfilling my mum's expectation of what my life should be? Having the path being set ahead smoothly is just too ordinary, and realising that I've been behaving too good following my mum's directions till... I have no direction of life at all. Husky said I have too many directions, just not sure which to choose.
Which just end up same conclusion: I don't know what I want to do in life. Instead I was led blindly, following instructions, at the same time losing myself bit by bit each day.
At the age of 25, I just hope that I'll be able to find my purpose in life.
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| 2019 Resolution: To be Fu Guai Po HAHAHAHAHA! Just kiddiiinngggg :D |
Have not been taking a lot pictures last year. Hope to take more pictures this year!
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