Rant.

Yesterday out of nowhere, out of sudden, out of no reason, I got angry again. Angry on why we ended up this way, why I was treated in that way, why why why.

And I cried angry tears again.

Especially when I thought of the possibility that I might be a cover up for another person. As a gf I didn't get what I deserve but yet as a housemate/good friend, she got so much more.

The chance to be taken care of when she was sick, the chance to have heart-to-heart talk, the chance to practice together for performance, the chance to be angry because she has chosen someone whom that he thinks she doesn't deserve. And the chance to lie to me because he wanted to attend her convocation.

How nice.

When it comes to me, all I got was blank space. He doesn't have anything to talk to me, because he said whatever that he wants to tell me will hurt my feelings, don't even bother having heart-to-heart talk, he didn't even call when I was sick, he didn't keep to all his promises include playing songs for me.

How pathetic.


How many countless nights did I curl up and cried angry tears, without me noticing that my heart was whispering "I got nothing" to myself silently.


Just the other day I dreamed of him. I dreamed that he lied to me again. Even in my dreams he couldn't stop lying.


He made me realised that feelings can change over few months. And this is how being unloved by someone who told you that he wants to have a future with you feels like.

Next time, I'll know, when a guy truly loves me with all his heart, while the past is treated as a benchmark. Whether a guy really loves me or not, I'll have an exact measurement. But till then, I'll guard my heart closer than I ever did.


“有些话，说与不说都是伤害；有些人，留与不留都会离开。如果我放弃了，不是因为我输了，而是因为我懂了。”
痛了要懂，懂了不痛。放弃，因为不自弃。

Lord, help us to respond respectfully to situations around us. We need Your wisdom for this. May we always honor, trust and praise You.